Sometimes being single and pet-free really sucks. It will hit me hard that all I ever do for months on end is go to bed at night, sleep, get back up in the mornings, have my bowl of cereal, go to work, come home from work, go to my Jazzercise class, come back home again, have dinner, and then turn on the tv just to have some noise in my life. Often I'd go to the kitchen and clear off a corner of my table to study but other days I'm just too exhausted to do anything at all in the remaining 2 hours that I have before the cycle begins all over again.
Most evenings I go online chatting with my cyberfriends, searching for a connection. Other times I just admire the pictures on my favorite doll boards. Sometimes I just lie there on the floor and watch the evening light fade into night shadows on my living room walls, and I listen to the sound of my somewhat wheezy breath going in and out, in and out. And my soul bleeds just a little bit more.
Then there are days like today, where the predictable cycle is derailed by something out of the ordinary. I spied a package sitting in my mailbox as my bus pulled up to my stop in front of Peter's Chinese Cafe. As soon as the doors opened I bounded right off the bus, hurried over to the mailbox, and grinned from ear to ear as I touched my package, looked at the return address, and considered the weight in hand. I made myself wait until I got up the single flight of stairs to my unit before I opened it. When I did, something beautiful that I've somehow forgotten about fell out of the worn and slightly crumpled box into my expectant and hopeful hands. And even though nobody noticed, a warm light began to glow in my little corner of the universe.
Today's package came from Ted and Bill, two extremely talented men known for their exquisite white-work lace dresses. This one was for Hana Soah, my little Angel. When I put it on her, she seemed to just radiate what I was feeling-- a delighted awe and a simple, peaceful, quiet joy. Full of thanksgiving for God's love, I realized that sometimes the silence in my life is a gift.